Compassion and Empathy: What’s the Difference, and Why It Matters

My interest in the difference between compassion and empathy didn’t begin in a textbook or journal article, but in a counselling CPD workshop.

During the workshop, the trainer made an observation that immediately caught my attention. They spoke about how worn out they had become from empathy. Not from the work itself, but from the constant experience of emotionally absorbing the distress of others. Then they said something that genuinely made me stop and think:

Empathy and compassion are not the same process in the brain. They follow different neural pathways.

I remember feeling a moment of surprise. Like many people in helping professions, I had always thought of empathy as an unquestioned positive, something we should strive to deepen, expand, and offer generously. The idea that empathy itself might sometimes be part of the problem, rather than the solution, was unexpectedly enlightening.

That single insight prompted a great deal of reflection for me. How was I responding to others’ distress? When was I feeling connected and present, and when was I feeling drained? Was there a difference between caring about someone’s suffering and emotionally carrying it?

What followed was a deeper exploration into the science and psychology of empathy and compassion, and why the distinction between them matters far more than we often realise.

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is our capacity to resonate with another person’s emotional experience. At its simplest, it is the “I feel what you feel” response.

Psychologists typically describe several forms of empathy:

• Emotional empathy – sharing another person’s emotional state

• Cognitive empathy – understanding what someone is feeling without directly feeling it

• Somatic empathy – experiencing another’s emotion as a physical sensation

Neuroscience research suggests that empathy relies heavily on the brain’s mirror neuron systems. These networks activate both when we experience something ourselves and when we observe another person experiencing it. When we see someone in pain, areas of our own brain associated with pain and distress become active.

This mechanism is fundamental to human connection. It helps us bond, relate, and understand one another’s inner worlds.

But empathy also has a less discussed side.

The Neuroscience of Empathic Distress

Brain imaging studies show that empathy for suffering activates regions such as the anterior insula and the anterior cingulate cortex, areas involved in processing emotional pain and discomfort.

In effect, the brain partially simulates another person’s distress.

While this ability is deeply human, it can become problematic when empathy is intense, prolonged, and unregulated. The nervous system may remain in a state of heightened arousal, particularly for individuals who are highly sensitive or deeply attuned to others.

Over time, this can lead to what researchers call empathic distress. This is a state in which caring for others begins to feel emotionally exhausting, overwhelming, or even unbearable.

This is not a failure of character or resilience. It is a predictable consequence of how the brain processes emotional information.

What Is Compassion?

Compassion, although closely related to empathy, is neurologically and psychologically distinct.

Compassion involves recognising another person’s suffering while maintaining emotional steadiness and a genuine wish for their wellbeing. Rather than “I feel your pain,” compassion reflects a stance of:

“I see your pain, and I care about your suffering.”

Importantly, compassion includes warmth without emotional over-identification.

Research indicates that compassion activates different neural networks, including areas associated with emotional regulation, caregiving, and affiliation. These include the ventromedial prefrontal cortex and regions linked to the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the nervous system responsible for calming and soothing.

In contrast to empathic distress, compassion is associated with feelings of care, concern, and stability rather than overwhelm.

This distinction has been explored extensively in compassion-focused therapy, developed by Paul Gilbert (a model I talk through with all my clients), whose work highlights how compassion engages the brain’s soothing and caregiving systems.

Why Empathy Alone Can Be Draining

Empathy, particularly emotional empathy, draws us directly into another person’s emotional world. Without sufficient regulation or boundaries, this can result in:

• Emotional over-absorption

• Difficulty separating self from other

• Increased stress and fatigue

• Feelings of helplessness

• Burnout or withdrawal

For therapists, carers, healthcare professionals, teachers, and parents, this dynamic is especially relevant. Chronic empathic resonance without balancing processes can place a significant load on the nervous system.

Empathy can pull us into suffering.

Compassion allows us to remain alongside suffering.

Compassion as a Protective Process

Compassion does not require emotional distance or indifference. Instead, it involves a regulated, grounded form of care.

Compassion supports:

• Emotional presence without overwhelm

• Clearer boundaries

• Greater resilience

• Sustainable caring roles

• Reduced burnout risk

Crucially, compassion can be directed inward as well as outward. Self-compassion activates many of the same soothing neural systems involved in offering care to others.

Without self-compassion, empathy can easily become self-neglect.

Bringing the distinction into Everyday Life

Understanding the difference between empathy and compassion can subtly but powerfully change how we relate to others’ distress.

Empathy helps us understand.

Compassion helps us respond.

Empathy says, “I feel your pain.”


Compassion says, “I see your pain, and I am here with care and steadiness.”

Both are valuable. But compassion provides a more sustainable foundation for long-term emotional wellbeing, particularly in roles that involve supporting others.

For me, that CPD workshop offered more than an interesting theoretical idea. It provided a framework for understanding something many caring people quietly experience. The difference between feeling connected and feeling emotionally depleted.

Sometimes, caring wisely means not feeling more, but relating differently.